I had the opportunity, late last year, to visit the White House, and I avoided it because it seemed like a hassle. But just yesterday (as of writing, weeks ago as of posting) on a not so bright Friday morning I visited the White House! I didn’t see Biden, or more importantly Willow.
Entering the White House was a bit nerve-wracking. It was all very straightforward, less security than I thought there would be quite frankly, and the Secret Service guys were great, but I was flanked by off-duty cops sporting Blue Lives Matter gear and that made me uncomfortable as heck. There was a much bigger crowd than I had been expecting given the fact that you have to ask your Congressperson to be able to go on a tour, and I was the only one to dress up. I was going to the White House! So I wore a jacket and tie. The rest of the crowd was much more a t-shirt and shorts vibe, however.
Anyways upon entry you walk past some pictures, in my case of the Bidens’ dogs and again Willow, and you turn the corner after peering out into the Kennedy Garden and then find a gift shop. More like a gift stand, but I picked up a lapel pin for myself and a bookmark for my super amazing girlfriend. I only mention this because I like the thought of the President popping down to pick up something real quick if he needed an easy birthday present or something. Most of the tour would be a lot funnier if the president popped by real quick.
I almost never read ahead, so I wasn’t expecting anything, but the tour is actually very short. In my case it was self-guided, though there was a dude in the ballroom saying stuff about it (it would be weird if he was talking about something else). The big thing in that room was that the chandeliers took a full day each to clean and it required a crane. The public areas of the house are pretty limited. There is a ground floor with a variety of rooms you can peer into, like the China room (which makes me think of that scene where he calls it the dish room in The American President) and the library pictured up top. When was the last time you think anyone read a book from there? Actually my big thing with all the rooms is I wonder if the look will ever get updated. Like it seems Teddy Roosevelt managed to do a major remodel, but when Truman did his remodel he made sure to keep everything as close to the same as possible. But now that it’s like, the way it is, there is no way that President Ocasio-Cortez in 10 (or 2?) years could go in and give the place a minimalist vibe, you know? Can you imagine? This is probably a deeper problem with American institutions but all I’m trying to say here specifically is when my super amazing girlfriend becomes President she is stuck with the wallpaper.
Anyways you eventually proceed upstairs where the rooms go from being functionally-named to color-named. I’m trying to remember if I had any deep thoughts about these rooms. These rooms felt a lot more functional, in that they seem to often have functions in them. The carpets in all the rooms were partially rolled up to prevent us plebeians from walking on them, but it was clear they could be unrolled and then people could stroll about having state functions or whatever. The artwork was mostly focused on portraits of presidents and their families. There were a lot of portraits. In the ballroom was that portrait of Washington Dolley Madison saved, Kennedy looked sadly at some flowers, and Carter and Johnson are next to each other in the main hallway there. There was some other artwork however that was much more my vibe (though I will note again here besides the portraits there was nothing that looked more recent than like 1900 that I remember; when my super amazing girlfriend is President I am going to put up something scandalous) (and maybe even more pictures of boats also):
Anyways after looking at a few more rooms you are almost done. There is what seems to be the designated selfie spot (not pictured) where you can get your picture taken by the friendly guard between two flags, and then you turn around and more or less head out the door. The below photo with the piano is from just inside the door. You can tell the piano came from Roosevelt’s remodel because he really liked eagles and everything he had added came with gigantic eagles (he also had buffalos put into one of the fireplaces). I am supportive of this aesthetic but when I am in charge of decorating I will try to round out the animals included.
But yeah anyways the tour was neat I suppose. I guess things happened in these rooms, but going on the tour didn’t really make me feel any closer to like, the seat of power or anything. Maybe it is because you enter in the side, scurry through the basement, and then hop out what I think is technically the back door to the place. Still, nice they let us American citizens come and check the place out, though an invite to an actual party would be nice sometime, Joe. Anyways I want to end on the note that as I was exciting I spotted mushrooms growing out of the lawn. My only thought there was that if my dad was President, he would still probably spend 10 minutes every time he got out of the Beast picking weeds.
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